Shelter
by Drizzt1138
Summary: What happened to Lara in the aftermath? LaraxOOC (Rating may be subject to change)
1. Chapter 1

Shelter

A Looking for Alaska fanfic

_Note: sorry if I do badly, A: this is my first time writing from a female standpoint, and B: I'm no good at "writing accents"_

**Lara**

**Twelve days after**

I don't know what's happening. It's bad enough that Alaska had to die. Nobody should have to die like that. But now my boyfriend won't even talk to me. What am I doing wrong?

It would have been bad enough if we had split up "traditionally". All the shared tears and anger. But we haven't. He's just not there, he disappeared in the same event that took Alaska. He's drifting away so quickly, and I feel so helpless. He looks at me, but does not see me. He literally never said goodbye. He just dropped me off this cliff and walked away.

I know Pudge is looking for Alaska. But that leaves me looking for Pudge. And I cannot find him any more than he can find her.

I feel so hollow. Like my insides were filled up by him, and now they're drained out and I have nothing left. I'm just a husk, and the air around me feels just as empty. It was for so short a time, but he filled the air around me, gave me comfort. Now he's gone, and I'm just a vacuum within a vacuum.

Maybe it's stupid. Maybe it's selfish. But I just want someone to hold me, someone to help me through this. I'm not sure if I can make it on my own.

**Twenty days after**

I can't take this anymore. I need to figure this out. I keep waiting for things to get better and nothing happens.

I went to go find Takumi. I finally found him eating a bufriedo in the dining hall. It still hurts a lot to even talk about it. But I need to know, so I try to hold it together for him. "Takumi… can you ask Pudge… are we still together? I need to know, eet's tearing me apart…"

He looked up at me. "Um… sure. I don't really talk to him much anymore, but I'll see what I can do."

"He's eegnoreeng you too?" I asked. "I thought eet was just me…"

He shook his head. "No, he's been pretty withdrawn lately. Other than the Colonial, he hasn't been talking much to anyone."

I processed this for a second. Then I nodded and got up. "Thank you, Takumi. Let me know what the answer is."

**Twenty-two days after**

I knew what the answer would be. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

How could he come to me, make me care so much about him, and then just leave? He doesn't seem like someone who would use me, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not sure of anything anymore.

I still cared about him so much, yet a part of me almost hated him. I couldn't believe anyone would ever cause someone this kind of pain. It was all because he cared for me, and I wanted to care for him so badly, and then he just stopped. It just ended, in a split second we all lost Alaska, and I, I personally lost everything.

Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't everyone just be happy? If I almost hate Pudge now, I absolutely loathe Alaska. How could she do this to any of us? How could she just single-handedly ruin all of it? Did she have any idea what she was doing?

I've been left outside. And it is very cold out here.

**Thirty-seven days after**

I bumped into him after religion class. He turned and looked at me, and I can't describe the look on his face. He was so distant, and the look on his face was both pitying and pitiful. The confusing mixture of caring and loathing got even stronger.

"I'm sorry," he said. I hadn't heard his voice in so long; it was almost foreign to me. I could feel tears building up, and I wanted to lash out at him, at Alaska, at everything. But I couldn't. So I ran. I ran away to my next class, and then I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I didn't let anyone see. It's surprising how easy it is for people to miss the fact that someone is crying, if they do it quietly. I was able to keep it down, but I couldn't keep it all pent up any longer.

The class seemed to take forever to pass, and yet at the same time it was almost over too quickly. When the bell rang, I couldn't find a reason to stand up. I just sat there, waiting for something to happen.

Surprisingly, something did happen. Another student came over and took my hand. Gently, almost as if asking permission, skin flickering on the edge of mine. I looked up. "What?" I asked.

I recognized the boy standing there, but I had not spoken to him much. His name was Daniel, one of the quieter kids who sat near the front of the class. His blue eyes looked down at me, full of concern. "Come on. It's ok, I just want to talk."

Slowly, I got up and walked out of the classroom with him. "What do you want to talk about?" I asked once we found a place to stop.

"What's the matter? You looked so sad during class. What can I do to help you?" He spoke slowly and haltingly, as though he wasn't quite used to having conversations out loud with people.

I didn't mean to glare at him. But I wasn't in a very pleasant mood. "My friend ees dead. My boyfriend broke up with me- used me, broke me, and threw me away. Eet hurts, eet feels like I'm burneeng from the eenside out. I don't know how he could do thees to me."

He took a minute to process this. "I really don't know either. But I do know I'll do anything I can to help you out."

I let out a bitter laugh. I couldn't meet his eyes as I spoke. The tears had made me loose sight of them anyway. "Bring heem back to me."

He took in a shaky breath. "I don't think I can do that. But I can try to fill the emptiness he left."

I wanted to punch him in the face. So I did. Not very hard, but evidently hard enough to make his nose bleed. He fell back towards the wall, sliding down slowly. I instantly regretted punching him, especially as tears filled his eyes and blood ran down his upper lip. I knelt down next to him. "I'm so sorry! I don't… I just…" He was smiling at me through the tears. He took another breath, sounding even less stable than before.

"It's ok. If it helped you, it's ok. I told you, I'd do anything." I stared at him in shock for almost a minute. Then I smiled at him. I was finally able to meet his eyes.

"Ok."

Now he was staring at me. "What?"

I took his hand. "I'll try it. I'll let you help me."

_TO BE CONTINUED_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Lara**

**Forty days after**

I can barely describe how good this feels. Daniel has completely turned my life around. It's like the emptiness inside of me has been filled up with warmth and the air around me is filled with him. I can't keep him out of my mind, and I don't want to.

We talk every day, walking around campus together. He lets me vent my anger when I need to, but I do it less often with every day that passes. I still think about Pudge every once in a while. But the thoughts aren't accompanied by the anger any more.

At first I didn't think anything he could do would help. I only let him try because he really seemed to want to. But every second I spend with him, I feel better than I did the second before. It's hard to believe that anyone could change so much so quickly. But he has.

**Daniel**

**Forty-one days after**

I can't believe how perfect this woman is. She sits here in front of me, wounded as I have been. Yet she is still more beautiful and graceful than anyone I've ever seen. I would give anything to take her pain away.

Just trying makes me feel like I'm worth something. The look in her eyes makes me feel like I'm worth everything. Although that can't be true, because she's worth everything, I could never be nearly as good as her. God this is so confusing. I feel in love with her so quickly, and maybe I shouldn't have, maybe I should have taken things slowly. But I couldn't, and now here I am.

"Do you like me?" I try to look into her eyes as I ask this, as hard as it is. She looks at me so innocently, so openly. Every thought she has is displayed so beautifully on her face.

"Of course I like you. I spend almost every day weeth you." I take a deep breath. Now comes the hard part. I know that she's a great friend, but that doesn't make this any less terrifying.

"No, I mean… more than just as a friend… you know… _like_… Oh God this is no good…" I look away as I say it. She puts one hand on mine to stop me, and I turn back to her. She has a smile on her face.

"I'm een love you."

My heart swells with warmth, something that's the exact opposite of the cold that was there before her. "Oh my God. Seriously? Like do you really mean it?" She nods. "Oh my God. This has never really happened to me before. No one has ever really said that to me before, at least not like that… I-"

She stops me with a kiss. Her lips are warm and soft, like the petals of a flower during spring. She wraps her arms around me, and after a few stunned seconds I hold her back, as closely to me as I can without hurting her.

Eventually she pulls away and smiles at me. I smile back as I say, "I love you too."

**Daniel**

**Forty-two days after**

My friend Albert doesn't seem as keen about the situation. "You love her? You just met her! What on earth are you thinking?"

I'm blushing more than a little as I respond. "I'm thinking that I'm lonely, and that she makes me happy. You know I haven't been truly happy for a while now. Not until I met her. And I'm thinking that she seems just as hurt as I was. I will do anything to make sure she doesn't have to suffer through that.

His face softens up a bit when he hears this. I can tell he's starting to truly understand how much she means to me. "You're completely smitten with this girl, aren't you?"

I nod with a fake stoicism. "Yes I am. I am in very deep smit. If you would just meet her, Albert! She's so kind and smart and… Oh God, I'm in deep, but I don't care! I'll embrace it, embrace her, with everything I have!"

Albert sighed with exhaustion. I smiled as he finally admitted defeat. "Whatever, man. I'm here for you. And so is she, I guess. Just be careful, alright? This is jacked up…"

My grin is growing bigger by the second. "Don't I know it. But that doesn't change a thing."

**Daniel**

**Forty-four days after**

Lara and I were in the library that day. We hung out there a lot, partly because not may others hung out there, partly because of how much I liked to read. However, I don't remember this because we were reading.

We had hidden ourselves among the stacks, and when we were about as alone as we could be, I sang to her.

_How could anyone ever tell you_

_That you're anything less than beautiful?_

_How could anyone ever tell you_

"_You are less than whole"? _

_How could anyone fail to notice_

_That your loving is a miracle?_

_How deeply you're connected to my soul_

I had known the song for a long time, since I was a kid. But singing it to her felt more… right, somehow. I kissed her forehead and just held her there for a second. Then she got out her iPod and we danced to "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perry. We didn't do any kind of fancy dancing. Really we were just holding each other as we turned ourselves in place. Just twirling among the pages in the library. She felt so warm against me, and I could have sworn I was in heaven.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Daniel **

**Fifty-two days after**

One day I came over to her room. We decided to lie down on the couch together. When we did, she wrapped herself around me. "I'm never letteeng you go," she said.

I smiled down at her. I kissed her on the forehead and said, "Good. I wouldn't want you to." I held her closer. "It feels so great to have someone who feels the same way about me as I feel about them. It's just so rare for me, so precious."

I held her there as she held me, the two of us working a miracle, neither losing nor gaining anything, but having each other. And that was all we would ever need. She was so warm, filling up the cold emptiness that had surrounded me for so long.

"You know, when I lie alone sometimes, I speak your name," I said. "Every time your name crosses my lips, it's pure magic. I just can't believe how perfect you are, how miraculous your love is. I imagine that I'm with you, lying here just like this." I look into her eyes again. "This is all I've ever wanted. And I still can't thank you enough for it."

She smiled at me; a reward in and of itself. "You don't need to thank me. Eet's a gift for me too."

**Lara**

**Ninety-four days after**

We took a picture together. To remind us of our love whenever we were apart. Not that we needed much reminding, but it was still more than just a gesture.

In the picture we're holding each other, smiling and loving each other like we always do. I look at his eyes and see the light that I first spotted when we met, when he pulled me out of the depths and into this wonderful dream I'm in now. I look at his smile and I see the compassion and love that he has for me.

Then I look at myself in the picture. And because of him I'm able to see how beautiful I am to him. I see how much he adores me, and I can start to believe that I really can be loved. Miracles can happen, and we work them for each other.


End file.
